This morning the sun was shining and it was absolutely gorgeous outside. Naturally, a few sun salutations felt in order to start the day followed by “Mister World Wide- World Famous” (Pitbull) to get me hyped up for some squats, a stationary bicycle, and some ab work- Broke a sweet and called it good. Showered, listened to my latest audio book, and decided to move into week two of a personal development itinerary.
This weeks topic is emotions. Ordinarily I’d consider this content and just move on but since I’m aiming to tap into parts of myself I sat in the warm sunlight and listened to the dialogue that touched on emotions and more specifically how certain ones can be more readily present in our lives. As you may or may not know I am a super emotional human- most of us are- and I have up days and down days…want to guess my favorite? You likely guessed it correctly..up please!
Having worked in mental health its hard to not pathologize my emotions but in medicine it is almost inevitable to self diagnose at some point or another- reminders that emotions are normal are pivotal! As my day marched on it was finally time for a hike. Jumped in the car and dashed up the closest mountain to scout out a trial, here they are marked with a white dot within a red circle.
The trial took me across a mountain face that was covered in rubble- instantly I wondered about the possibility of rocks crashing down but I pressed on and took in the scenery. I felt in my body the anxiety start to slowly creep in and noticed my nervous laughter. “Lets take a break- I want to sit down” I proclaimed. I sat down and despite the beauty felt myself gripped with the uneasiness of being high up on a narrow trial on what felt like a sheer cliff. I sat there looking off into the horizon and felt my eyes welt up and prepared to be deceived by my tears.
First one and then the soon the tears were rolling and I sat there and looked for the words to describe my emotions. I felt fear, I felt guilt, and I felt silly. I wondered about how my emotions served me and how they limited me. I wanted so bad in that moment to be fearless, unapologetic, and limitless- and I judged myself for falling short. I sat there for several minutes in my discomfort and waited.
Gradually, the emotions started to shift and I wiped my tears away and walked myself down the mountain- feeling increasing grateful to be back on steady ground and knowing what emotions to focus on as I continue on my personal development.
XoXo~ Rose